Journal entry: What's up with my life so far

Here I am, finally self-hosting a little site for all my musings and writings. I've come a long way since my blogging days in high school to this point and I am really proud of myself. I feel like I'm finally starting to become an adult (whatever that means). And I feel like with it, comes the burden of realisation and self-reflection that not everything is as easy as I thought it would be.
Before I start on the less positive side of things, I want to take a moment and be proud of myself. I want to say that I am so, so proud of myself for accomplishing what I initially set out to do prior to the start of my MA course. I mean... I did it. I actually did it. I received a distinction for my Masters' in International Fashion Journalism. All those long nights of crying, whining, complaining and more crying finally paid off. It was hard - and I mean, really hard. It was nothing like how I envisioned it to be because there were just so many moments of self-doubt and confusion throughout the entire process. I am so glad that that chapter of my life is over and that I achieved what I wanted to do. And then there's the next coming chapter of my life...
The real world AKA finding employment.
I knew it would be tough for us international kids but oh my god did I underestimate just how hard and how frustrating it would be. It's been a couple of months now and though I've had several interviews, it seems that the only thing hindering me from getting employment is yes, you guessed it, my passport. I cannot begin to tell you or describe my frustrations cause there simply isn't enough words to paint my emotions. It is a combination of disappointment, sadness, confusion, perplexion and yet I feel a sliver of hope. I'm surprised but for reasons not clear to me right now, I'm still a tiny bit hopeful. I'm trying my hardest to hang on to this journey.
To all my friends who may be experiencing the same phase of life, I'll just say: I feel you and let's not give up.
Delicious flat white pictured above is from Porter + Cole

Am I an introvert?

Illustration by wheresmybubble

So according to the dictionary, an introvert is defined as a shy, reticent person and I'm definitely not shy nor am I reticent... but I find myself staying home a lot more than I used to. And tbh, I really enjoy being by myself. I used to think that I am most definitely an extrovert (characterised as an outgoing, socially confident person) but I honestly don't feel as energised as I used to be when I am in large crowds of people. So here I am, googling the psychological definitions and attributes to these two terms in hopes of understanding the shift in my own personality.

So let's attempt to understand the introvert-extrovert dichotomy. Here goes.

The terms extraversion and introversion were first coined by Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung in Psychological Types back in 1921 and has since pioneered an insightful understanding in human behavioural patterns and attitude. Extraversion and introversion essentially formulate and dictate a person's complex personality. Fun fact, Jung's theories are also the basis for the popular Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) personality questionnaire!

According to many psychologists, no one person is completely an introvert or completely an extrovert with the most of us sharing certain traits or degrees of introversion and extroversion. Some may show more degrees of one to the other and this may change depending on a few aspects, namely the culture that the person lives in, time and on the person itself.

Common introvert traits:
  • Introspection - exploring and reflecting within oneself
  • Solitude - alone time
  • Calm and silence - deep, unverbalised thoughts

Other introvert idiosyncrasies:
  • Emotionally sensitive
  • Hates phone conversations
  • Has a few close friends with strong or unbreakable bonds
  • Are often spiritual
  • Tendency to overthink or over-worry
  • Love some sort of structure to their life
  • Prefers deep conversations over small talk
  • Writes better than they speak

Common extrovert traits:
  • Sociable
  • Enthusiastic
  • Out-going

Other extrovert idiosyncrasies:
  • Has numerous, broad interests
  • Knows lots of people and has a large number of friends though the bonds are generally less strong
  • Feels isolated when they are alone
  • Looks to others for ideas and inspiration
  • Tends to be action-oriented
  • Friendly and talkative
  • Enjoys and gets energised by socialising
  • Are generally more open

As prompted and suggested when you take a personality quiz, I took a minute to really think about the descriptions and found that there were more introvert traits that definitely felt more natural and comfortable to me as opposed to the extrovert traits. Funnily enough, when I was researching and reading about extraversion... I couldn't help but think of my brother. His whole personality just screams I-am-an-extrovert through and through LOL.

Anyways, still curious... I took a personality test! And OMG apparently I belong in "The Consul personality (ESFJ, -A/-T)" and I am more extraverted than I originally thought I was?! Here's my result:

Turns out, I am a social creature that thrives on staying up to date with what their friends are doing (which explains the FOMO that I get when I'm on social media) and my type of personality make up 12% of the population. The quiz that I took gave me results on eight different aspects of my life covering strengths and weaknesses, romantic relationships, friendships, career paths and so on. I won't go into any of the details of my test result in case any one of you guys would like to try the quiz yourself. Click here for the link to the quiz!

Okay, I have to say one thing about the quiz though. IT IS SCARILY ACCURATE. I mean, I thought I was an introvert but my results and the explanations to it are just eerily precise so... I guess I am more extraverted than I originally thought. Anyways, enjoy the quiz if you've decided to go for it!

It's been real fun to write a post on something that I was doing and researching out of boredom 😊. Till next time!

Here' a little story...

On most days, I'm okay. Happy, at peace and incredibly grateful for my life. On some rare moments, I feel completely broken. Blame it on the exhaustion, the lack of self-love or simply down to some chaotic thoughts.

Last night was one of those rare moments... I broke down in tears. Sobbing hysterically into Tom's shoulders just before midnight. It lasted for about an hour and I don't really have an explanation for it. I couldn't feel my face and I was crying, sobbing, gasping for air and hurting all at once.

But today, I'm better - not completely okay but I'm doing well.

Moments ago, I was hesitant and unsure of what to write or if I even wanted to. But I wanted to use this post to sort of remind myself that not everything is okay all the time and it's okay that it isn't so but things will pass and everything will be okay.

For future me and anyone else who may not have had the best of days... 

What I'm currently lusting after...

Zara Kids' this season is giving me life. There's simply too many pieces that I'm obsessed with. Oh, special shoutout to my mom for buying + sending me clothes from Zara Kids' Hong Kong! I needed some fresh new wardrobe update as I've been giving away and donating my clothes to charity. I probably threw out more than I should but ugh, I wanted to deep-clean and streamline my wardrobe.

The weather's getting increasingly gloomy here in Manchester and it's making me moody AF. I also feel like I'm stuck in a rut and am unsure about everything. I think I need some sun.

On another note, I'm also missing the little twins a lot... I just FaceTimed my cute lil cousins and OMG, they can really hold a conversation now. They. Are. Just. So. Freaking. Adorable. 😫 ← my face when I see them!


2. Masculine coat £49.99 - I tried this coat in red and I fell in love with it but obviously, I have yet to purchase it cause I have learned self-control over the years πŸ™„
4. Pleated trousers £12.99

I am #uninspired

The lack of inspiration is largely one of the reasons why I've sort of turned this space into more of a food and lifestyle blog. I do still enjoy writing about fashion, in fact, I do so actively over at The Fashion Network but when it comes to my own digital space... I simply can't bear to write about or of fashion due to the lack of inspiration. My old blog used to contain wish lists, runway inspo, mood boards and other various fashion-related posts but I have no wish to return to creating those type of content. Not for now anyway. It may be because I'm simply more critical of myself with what I create but I think it's due to just how saturated the fashion blogging sphere is. There's so much out there that I think everything lacks authenticity and originality.

Everything right now is all just meh to me πŸ™„.


Quick update:

It's been nearly three weeks since I've handed in my thesis and I can't say I've done much since. Oh I went for an eyelash perm (love the results btw!) and I've been actively trying various products to clear my skin since all the stress-related breakout. I'm so glad it's slowly working 😊!