Friday, March 15

Stay

A lot of times in life, you'd come across people who genuinely care about you and all you do is push them away.. I know I do that a lot, and sometimes when you see them finally let go, I can't help but to feel sad. But then again I think about how I can hold on for so long.. why can't someone treat me the same way? Hence there's this constance dilemma of being sad and angry at the same time. But there's also this relief that you're no longer holding them back, no longer a hinder to anything that might happen in their life. It's frustrating to feel all of these at the same time.. not to mention that there's nothing you can really do.

There are also some rare times though, that you feel nothing but absolutely joy for them. To see them happy, it makes you smile. Why? Because they have been a dear friend to you, regardless of their extra intentions. And then when that happens, ponder about your friendship. It will crush you knowing that you might lose a friend because all they ever wanted was more and couldn't get anything out of you. So now that they've found what they wanted, what's holding them back to your friendship that was base on nothing and resulted in nothing for them?

Your thoughts go can around all day long, matching happy thoughts to more complicated ones. So how do one person ever deal with this over and over again? I don't know. I don't think there's ever an answer. Because you cope with things differently every time. Maybe pray for a miracle, that in the mess of it, your friendship remains.
Look around you when you go outside today, take a look at the happy people. Do you smile, bathing in their happiness or do you envy them, silently murdering every second of their laughter ? You'll know how you really feel about things and yourself when your head gives you the answer to that question. Oh and guess which is mine.
I still am trying to find peace with things. The constant string of thoughts, worries and whatnot is exhausting. Things haven't changed much on my side, maybe just maturing a little and being upset a lot(?), but *sigh* I still am the same emotional wreck. And I miss talking to you. Thoughts can drive me crazy sometimes but what can I do besides, well.. nothing?

22 comments :

  1. Following your blog now, very nice post!

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  4. Such a cute blog! Maybe we could follow each other via gfc and bloglovin?
    Can't wait to see your next post :)

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  5. Great post ! Of course we can follow eachother, just follow me and ill follow back :)

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    Replies
    1. What a beautiful and inspiring post. Though, I think you're a true rarity. Nowadays, there's very few selfless people who will let go of others because they think that they may hinder their development, or that want them to be happy. Good for you :)

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    2. thank you so much for actually reading it. means a lot to know that i still have readers who dont just look forward to seeing what outfit i wear.. thank you!

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  7. I am following you via bloglovin. Have a nice weekend.

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  8. of course i follow you now!
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