There are also some rare times though, that you feel nothing but absolutely joy for them. To see them happy, it makes you smile. Why? Because they have been a dear friend to you, regardless of their extra intentions. And then when that happens, ponder about your friendship. It will crush you knowing that you might lose a friend because all they ever wanted was more and couldn't get anything out of you. So now that they've found what they wanted, what's holding them back to your friendship that was base on nothing and resulted in nothing for them?
Look around you when you go outside today, take a look at the happy people. Do you smile, bathing in their happiness or do you envy them, silently murdering every second of their laughter ? You'll know how you really feel about things and yourself when your head gives you the answer to that question. Oh and guess which is mine.
I still am trying to find peace with things. The constant string of thoughts, worries and whatnot is exhausting. Things haven't changed much on my side, maybe just maturing a little and being upset a lot(?), but *sigh* I still am the same emotional wreck. And I miss talking to you. Thoughts can drive me crazy sometimes but what can I do besides, well.. nothing?