Oh I haven't been blogging again. I'm so sorry my dearest readers. I'm currently back in Malaysia, contemplating my future and me. A part of me really can't wait for classes to start, a part of me is really scared about getting rejecting. Some may say I'm just too hard on myself all the time, but I think I'm just really sensitive to criticism and judgement. Sensitive as in I would really, really like to do something about it to change it so they won't get another chance to repeat themselves. And I absolutely hate it when people doubt me. Doubting me of my talents, or my words for that matter. I'm actually tired of having to say that all the time. It's frustrating that people you think who knows you, don't know you at all. The disappointment from that expectation is crushing.
I have all these negative thoughts about everything all the time. I try really hard not to think about stuff that upsets me but I am always, almost everyday, reminded of it. It's Feb 6th here. 8 more days to having a full legit day of feeling like crap. Again. I don't do much these days, that's why I.. don't blog much. I really look forward to sleeping though. It shuts off everything. All the voices, all the things that I couldn't tell. I get so tired from basically doing nothing. I'm sleeping myself away, shutting my mind. I probably sleep more than 9 hours per day now. And I've also lost a bunch of weight. I realized just how much when I tried on clothes that fit perfectly on me 3 weeks back.. well, apparently it all looks a little too big on me now. I'm not sure if it's a really good thing, or a really bad thing.
Okay, I'm gonna head to bed now. I'm tired. Good night readers.